Je ne regrette rien.

By all accounts Édith Piaf was a very impressive woman. Rising to international fame in spite of extremely difficult circumstances, her voice lives on today. But I disagree with her when it comes to regrets.

I’m more of a Frank Sinatra man when it comes to the whole regrets situation. I’ve had a few. Closing off to love for a significant portion of my humble existence to date is the biggest one.

Love makes the world go round. Money and a good pint of Guinness help but it’s essentially all about love.

Growing up for My Good Self was not the happiest time of my life. There was a distinct smell of fear in our home.

Fear of my Father.

I cannot say for definite whether or not my Father was an alcoholic. I do know that he drank and that it did not always suit him.

At some point in my youth, I don’t know when, I ‘disappeared’ inside myself, in a manner of speaking.

I developed a kind of alter ego as a way of coping with what was going on around me.

Dad died when I was 18. He was plagued with health issues for a lot of his life. Probably part of the reason why he drank.

His death meant very little to me.

It did, however, give me and the rest of my family ‘room to breathe’.

I began to sort my head out, and eventually got some idea of who I actually was. Then I fell for a girl.

Long story short it existed more in my head than in reality. Love has many roads. Some of them are dead ends.

I did not handle the situation well. It was a dark time. My subconscious reaction was to reject the whole idea of love and marriage. I drifted into voluntary work and had many happy years working with homeless people.

These days I’m more open to love. I’ve had a few relationships but nothing very long lasting.

Who knows what the future holds?